Growing up, I was unaware there was anything different about me except for the fact that (a) I had virtually no friends or friendships didn’t last very long; (b) that I was bullied for 10 years (from the age of 9 to 19) and (c) that I hated team sports (watching or playing).
When the bullying stopped, I threw myself into martial arts and weight training where the martial arts, Karate, was more about learning kata’s, which I excelled at, finally attaining a brown belt before I got bored and the weight training was about building strength and muscle, which I couldn’t do – all I ended up doing was toning my already thin physique.
I was diagnosed with Klinefelter’s Syndrome in the latter part of 2015. Prior to being diagnosed, I had never heard of KS but the diagnosis helped me understand why major events in my life just didn’t seem to happen like other people; why I had bouts of depression, anxiety and paranoia; and why regardless of the sports and exercise that I did, could never make an impact on my ever increasing waistline. There were times when my waistline shrunk dramatically but this was due to severe bouts of stress.
In 2018 I was diagnosed with Autism, a comorbid condition with KS, which is on a similar spectrum. There are characteristics with KS that mimic Autism and there are characteristics of KS that are completely separate.
There are many different KS characteristics and traits but some of the more pertinent ones are listed below:
Certain areas of the brain may develop differently which can lead to poor short term memory.
“I do not have this problem per se; although I can become distracted and lose my train of thought but I also recognise where and why I was distracted and learn from it.”
Poor Communication and Social Skills
Language development is the most common symptom seen in children with KS and this is an invisible disability in adults. Many adults (as I did) develop coping mechanisms to deal with this.
Social interaction is the key to getting on in life, for which many people with KS struggle with. Understanding social behaviour and the interpretation of language can cause difficulties, as can understanding sarcasm and jokes. Small talk, as used in social events and even dating can be very difficult, if not impossible.
KS males find it hard to understand alpha male bonding preferring the company of women as they are seen as more empathetic.
Common to both KS and ASD is a communication issue that causes abruptness in conversation, so much so, that the KS or ASD person can come across as rude when no rudeness was meant. “One thing that was very pronounced to me post-diagnosis was that if I wanted to say something as part of a 3 way conversation and I couldn’t get my point across, I would get very agitated waiting to say something and when I’d had enough, I would just blurt it out anyway.”
“I do not understand the concept of small talk; I do enjoy a good joke but sarcasm is wasted on me, even though I can quite happily use it myself and people being subtle is again wasted on me – i.e. if you want me to know something or do something – then tell me, don’t go round the houses, because it’s meaningless to me. Being around lots of different people on a regular basis has pretty much stopped me from blurting out during conversations.”
Difficulty Processing Information
Verbal information can be difficult to process. As short term memory can be poor, too much verbal instruction can make it very easy to forget the first thing they were told.
“I manage this by using a smartphone to take notes, especially if it’s a shopping list for someone else. Written information is better as long as it’s clear and concise although teaching by example is the way I learn best.“
For some being put under excessive pressure or stress can make things much worse but I have no difficulty with excessive pressure or stress.
Short Attention Span
Due to enhanced sensory perception, concentration can be affected. Sometimes acute hearing can make background noise, general noise or traffic distracting. Touch can be an issue, as can chafing from clothes.
“I am aware of surrounding noise like traffic or low tone background noise but I have learnt how to block this out.” Like many people, Neurotypical, Neurodiverse or otherwise it’s abnormal noises that get our attention and we deal with it accordingly.
Dislike of Team Sports
Language and information processing issues can make it difficult to understand the rules of team sports; as can the alpha male psyche of team sports (such as football).
“I dislike all team sports, not just participating but watching as well. Some would say there is too much testosterone on the field (pun intended). Solo sports are much more my thing, enjoying weight training, running and walking.“
Due to physical differences that most KS males have, the use of communal changing rooms can be difficult; many KS males fall short in the ball size and penis length, as well as the lack of pubescent hair and muscular build.
Shy, Low Self Esteem
KS boys and men tend to be shy, lack self esteem and tend to be on the passive side. Many overcome this with the help of family and friends, but still may have difficulty around new people where small talk can be difficult. TRT can increase assertiveness and reduce anxiety.
“I don’t do arguments and I’m not the type of person who looks for a fight; I’ve learnt to stay out of domestic arguments and if I’m alone or with someone when arguing or fighting is happening in the street, then I will steer clear for safety’s sake.“
Intellectual or Not
KS being a spectrum disorder means that there can be a slight downward shift in intellect, although most endocrinologists report average IQ levels and some KS people are reported with high IQ’s.
“As someone with ASD and KS my IQ is on the high side.”
Can I Help You?
“I love to help – whether it’s work related or personal. So much so that previously I’ve ended up getting walked over, financially abused, abused by people who expect me to do things for them – taxi driver, decorator, etc., and when I refuse or see the person for who they really are, then I’m the world’s worst person.
[laughs] – am I bothered … No! Will it stop me from being overly helpful … No!
Romantically, in the past, when I’ve liked someone who likes me, I get friend zoned. Not good for any males self-esteem at any age, even worse for a KS male.”
Depression
Depression is a key factor with KS. With the advancements in medical science it is now possible to diagnose KS earlier and due to a greater awareness of KS through social media groups and KS websites such as this one and KSA UK, people are being diagnosed earlier.
This early diagnosis, sometimes in a person’s’ teens or 20’s can be a very distressing time for people, potentially when people in their early 20’s maybe married, are trying for children and can’t conceive and the issue lies with the male partner. Diagnosis at times has led to a deep depression, divorce, even suicide.
Depression also factors in from a diagnosis at any age, especially when the full facts of the diagnosis are realised and the long term health conditions that come with a KS diagnosis are taken in to account.
